An Easy Way to Gain Clarity in How You Want to Spend Your Time!

We are here on Earth to fill the measure of our creation- men are that they might have joy (2 Nephi 2:25), which FULNESS of joy comes through obtaining exaltation! 

Today I am sharing an exercise you can do that can help you do a bit of an inventory of your life and how to make sure the things you are doing are in line with your values and are things you actually WANT to be doing since the theme of this month is taking responsibility. In Doctrine and Covenants 58:27, Heavenly Father instructs, “Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves.” 

Of this idea, President Ezra Taft Benson said, “Usually the Lord gives us the overall objectives to be accomplished and some guidelines to follow, but he expects us to work out most of the details and methods.” (1) For example, we are given the objective to teach our children see (Mosiah 4:14–15)(D&C 68:25, 28), but it doesn’t tell us how to accomplish that. And we’re supposed to provide for our families and a guideline is to do honest work but we are usually supposed to work out the details and methods for doing that as well. So we have some objectives, but it is up to us to work out the details and methods. 

I’m excited to share another favorite exercise I have my clients do! The first place I encountered this exercise was in Marshall Rosenburg’s book entitled Nonviolent Communication, which is another excellent read. He states that this exercise has “significantly enlarged the pool of joy and happiness available to my life, while diminishing depression, guilt and shame.” (3) He believes our choices should be intentional and self-driven rather than driven by fear, guilt, shame, duty or obligation. This exercise helps us see what the motive or driving force behind the things we choose to do are and it also helps us to decide what changes we need to or may want to make. Here is the exercise as described by Marshall Rosenburg in an article he wrote entitled "Don't Do Anything That Isn't Play!" 

Translating Have to, to Choose to 

Step 1: 

What do you do in your life that you don’t experience as playful? List on a piece of paper all those things that you tell yourself you have to do. List any activity you dread but do anyway because you perceive yourself to have no choice. When I first reviewed my own list, just seeing how long it was gave me insight as to why so much of my time was spent not enjoying life. I noticed how many ordinary, daily things I was doing by tricking myself into believing that I had to do them. The first item on my list was “write clinical reports.” I hated writing these reports, yet I was spending at least an hour of agony over them every day. My second item was “drive the children’s car pool to school.” 

Step 2 After completing your list, clearly acknowledge to yourself that you are doing these things because you choose to do them, not because you have to. Insert the words “I choose to . . . ” in front of each item you listed. I recall my own resistance to this step. “Writing clinical reports,” I insisted to myself, “is not something I choose to do! I have to do it. I’m a clinical psychologist. I have to write these reports.” 

Step 3 After having acknowledged that you choose to do a particular activity, get in touch with the intention behind your choice by completing the statement, I choose to . . . because I want . . . . At first I fumbled to identify what I wanted from writing clinical reports. I had already determined, several months earlier, that the reports did not serve my clients enough to justify the time they were taking, so why was I continuing to invest so much energy in their preparation? Finally I realized that I was choosing to write the reports solely because I wanted the income they provided. As soon as I recognized this, I never wrote another clinical report. I can’t tell you how joyful I feel just thinking of how many clinical reports I haven’t written since that moment thirty-five years ago! When I realized that money was my primary motivation, I immediately saw that I could find other ways to take care of myself financially, and that in fact, I’d rather scavenge in garbage cans for food than write another clinical report. The next item on my list of unjoyful tasks was driving the children to school. When I examined the reason behind that chore, however, I felt appreciation for the benefits my children received from attending their school. They could easily walk to the neighborhood school, but their own school was far more in harmony with my educational values. I continued to drive, but with a different energy; instead of “Oh, darn, I have to drive the car pool today,” I was conscious of my purpose, which was for my children to have a quality of education that was very dear to me. Of course I sometimes needed to remind myself two or three times during the drive to refocus my mind on what purpose my action was serving. As you explore the statement, “I choose to . . . because I want . . . ,” you may discover — as I did with the children’s car pool — the important values behind the choices you’ve made.” (2) 

Isn’t that so powerful?? We cross out “I have to” and replace it with "I choose to …because." I love the two examples he shares and how he demonstrates the decision to remove things or keep them with clarity and a new perspective. Dreaded tasks or have to’s can be eliminated if they aren’t glorifying God, bringing us joy, or serving a purpose in line with our values OR dreaded tasks or have to’s can be turned to choose to’s... because or even get to’s when we understand the reasons behind our choices. 

I like to take it one step further and add in the choose not to’s. Think about something you would like to be doing or something someone else or society says you should be doing and figure out your reasons you’re NOT doing those things. If you’re choosing not to go to bed on time or not to homeschool your children or not to drink coffee or have sex outside of marriage, what is your because? Do you like your reasons? Do you need to find better reasons? Can you bring any from external reasons like so and so says I should or asked me to to internal reasons- why are you really doing it? And do you want to change any choose not to’s to a choose TO? 

 I really believe this exercise can bring a lot of clarity and help us to become agents who act rather than individuals being acted upon. We begin to fully take responsibility for our choices and begin fully using the divine gift of agency we’ve been given. 

So in summary, we are eternal beings with divinely appointed objectives that are meant to bring us great joy! We have the gift of agency and God intends for us to use that to seek out the joy He offers us. We can look at the responsibilities we have taken on in our lives and the ways we spend our time and evaluate if they are in-line with our values and objectives through writing down everything we “have to” do and taking responsibility for those things by changing them to “choose to’s” and writing down what we hope to gain or why we are doing those things. If we don’t like our reasons, we can consider other ways to meet our needs or spend our time. Clarity about our reasons can help us find joy in what we are doing, even if the task is distasteful or unpleasant. 

So get to work and see if this can work for you. May you find joy and clarity in the things you do this week! 

1. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/58.26-29?lang=eng#p26 Benson, E. T. (n.d.). Chapter 3: Freedom of Choice, an Eternal Principle. Www.Churchofjesuschrist.Org. Retrieved August 16, 2022, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/teachings-of-presidents-of-the-church-ezra-taft-benson/chapter-3-freedom-of-choice-an-eternal-principle?lang=eng 
2. Rosenberg, M. B. Don’t Do Anything That Isn’t Play! PuddleDancer Press, www.Nonviolentcommunication.Com. Retrieved August 16, 2022, from https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/resources/articles-about-nvc/dont-do-anything-that-isnt-play/Family Proclamation https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng