3 Tips For Quieting Your Mind

Last night I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and as happens on some nights, my mind started going and going. I was thinking about all the things going on in my life. I was thinking about the things that were going to be happening in the future. And I was also replaying things from the past. Maybe a quarter of all of this thinking was productive thinking. The other 3/4 was not helpful at all! All of the worrying. All of the debating. All of the rehashing. So why do our brains do this? It often happens when we’re laying in bed trying to fall asleep, right? For me, it’s probably because I haven’t been giving my brain processing time to do this during the day when I am better able to direct my thoughts. It’s waited for a quiet moment.. A moment with no distractions. My brain must think this is necessary for my survival or it wouldn’t do this. Personally, brain, I think sleep is more important than this time rehashing or worrying. So how do I bring my brain to that quiet place where sleep can come? 

Here’s three tricks!

First, ask yourself questions about the present moment such as What do I hear, see, or feel right now? or What did I eat for breakfast today? or Where do I see the color blue? Simple questions like this have the ability to shift your focus away fromf your thoughts.  

Have you ever heard the mind quieting trick of “give the dog a bone”? This references a yippy dog that just keeps yapping away until you give it something to chew on. Once they have a bone or something to focus their attention on, they quiet right down! This is the second trick. Our brains need the same thing sometimes. In Roald Dahl’s book, The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar, which is being made into a movie by Netflix, by the way, there’s a story about a man who learns to see without using his eyes. He begins his journey with a flickering candle flame. He tries over and over to be able to focus his mind on the flickering flame and builds up to the point where he can clear his mind and concentrate for extended periods of time. Something like a flickering flame or also in the book, picturing a loved one’s face. Picturing something that brings a positive emotion to your mind makes the time spent doubly effective. The “bone” can be a leaf fluttering in the wind, a bar of soap, a smooth ball or marble, falling water, a favorite childhood spot, or anything!. Let your mind mentally focus on something distinct and if your thoughts wander, keep bringing them back.   

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The third trick for getting out of your head is moving into your body. Wiggle your toes, relax your shoulders, flex and then release some of your big muscle systems like your sitting muscles, back muscles or arms and legs, notice where you are feeling tight, notice where you in contact with a surface, notice the areas where you don’t feel any tension, stress, or temperature and try to bring that feeling out to the rest of your body. Notice your breath moving in and out. Relax your face muscles. Do a progressive muscle relaxation meditation. There are thousands of guided meditations available online. One easy place to find them is on Youtube. A free app with some guided meditations I can recommend is called Sanvello and I’ll link it in the show notes. 

 

In summary, our brains like to ruminate and process. Our brains like to worry and prepare. And our brains are not the boss of us, we are the boss of our brains. If we want to be sleeping or if we want to still our mind, we can. Three ways for doing that are to ask yourself questions about the present moment such as What do I hear, see, or feel right now? Or direct your thoughts to something innate- a person, place or thing you are familiar with and direct your attention and thoughts to that one thing- turning and returning your thoughts as needed. Lastly, you can move from being in your head to being in your body- think about what’s going on inside you. Think about relaxing into sleep. Think about where your body is and how it feels. Find a neutral spot in your body and try to spread that feeling wider. 

Remind our brains that although thinking is useful and helpful, right now it’s time to be still. There will be another time for thinking. 

I hope those are usable tips and they can work for you with a little practice!

The 10-Second Anxiety Hack: Breathing to Calm

Our breathing can function as an on-off switch for anxiety or fight, flight or freeze. Isn’t that amazing! I think it is SO amazing!

Take a moment and place one hand on your upper chest and one hand on the middle of your belly and notice which hand moves when you breathe. Go ahead and do this exercise. Take a few breaths. Which hand moved the most?

If you are in rest and digest mode, you should see your bottom hand, the one on your belly, moving the most. If you are in an anxious or hyper-arousal state, the upper hand, the one on your chest, will be the one moving the most. Chest breathing is shallow and generally more rapid. It triggers stress hormones in your body and sends the signal to your brain that something is wrong. Belly breathing, or diaphragmatic breathing, sends the opposite signal and allows the happy-producing hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin as well as allowing our bodies to heal, relax, and digest. To get technical for a minute here for some of our listeners who want to know the nitty-gritty of it all, you may have heard of the vagus nerve. Psychology Today’s Article, Longer Exhalations Are an Easy Way to Hack Your Vagus Nerve which I’ll link to in the show notes says the following: The vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the human body and facilitates a constant psychophysiological dialogue between your mind, brain, and body. Most importantly, in terms of coping with anxiety, the vagus nerve is the commander-in-chief of the inhibitory parasympathetic nervous system (the rest and digest mode) which counterbalances excitatory "fight-or-flight" stress responses to maintain homeostasis and grace under pressure. Psychophysiologists have identified that slow, deep diaphragmatic breathing triggers a relaxation response by secreting a “vagus substance” (also known as acetylcholine) into the bloodstream. Acetylcholine is a self-produced tranquilizer that works to squelch anxiety and distress, also known as bad stress. 

Isn’t it amazing that our bodies were designed so perfectly? We have the ability to move to quick action to preserve our lives and we also have the ability to create these natural tranquilizers that override stress. A way we can do that is to make a conscious effort to breathe to that lower hand. 

Does that blow your mind that the way we breath can determine how much stress we feel? I used to be a notorious chest breather. It has taken some time and awareness to switch my “default” breathing down to my belly. It’s easiest to feel where your breath is when you’re lying down so a great place to practice is as you’re trying to fall asleep. Whenever I feel stressed, I try to notice where my breathing sits and make that effort to move it back down to my belly.

An article on healthline reports: “Diaphragmatic breathing has a ton of benefits. It’s at the center of the practice of meditation, which is known to help manage the symptoms of conditions as wide-ranging as irritable bowel syndrome, depression and anxiety, and sleeplessness.”

It continues, saying-

Here are more benefits this type of breathing can have:

• It lowers your heart rate.

• It helps lower your blood pressure.

• It improves your body’s ability to tolerate intense exercise. 

• It helps you relax and reduces stress, lowering the harmful effects of the stress hormone cortisol on your body such as keeping your immune system from working at full capacity and making you more susceptible to numerous conditions. Over time, long-term or chronic stress — even from seemingly minor inconveniences like traffic — can lead to anxiety or depression.” (1)

So many benefits, right!! That type of breathing again, is called “belly breathing” or diaphramatic breathing. 

The second hack, my 10-second anxiety hack, is also with the breath and this is a simple counting technique. So if you simply exhale for a longer time than you inhale, that sends the immediate message to your brain to relax. So if you inhale for 4 seconds, try to exhale for 6 or 8 seconds and do this for 3-5 breaths. Inhale for 4, exhale for 6 or 8. Pause this and give it a try! This is a calming breath. Did you try it? Do you feel calmer already? As I teach this to clients, they ALWAYS say they feel calmer. You can also reverse this for an energizing breath, but that is not the focus of today’s topic. Some imagery you can use to help you envision this type of breathing is think about singing, blowing a pinwheel or blowing bubbles. These things require that slower, sustained exhale. No wonder kids generally are less stressed, right? They’re always doing those things. 

So you don’t have to just take my word for all this, Christopher Bergland shares the following story: He says, “I first learned about the vagus nerve and vagusstoff as a young tennis player being coached by my late father, Richard Bergland, who was a neurosurgeon, neuroscientist, and author of The Fabric of Mind. Because my dad had to maintain “grace under pressure” during life-or-death brain operations and as a competitive tennis player, he kept a variety of psychophysiological tricks up his sleeve that he'd use to keep his nervous system regulated by consciously engaging his vagus nerve…

As a neuroscience-based tennis coach, my dad taught me how to use “vagal maneuvers” such as taking one deep diaphragmatic inhale, followed by one long, slow exhale as I relaxed the back of my eyes and bounced the ball methodically four times before every serve. This belly breathing and ball-bouncing ritual helped me stay calm and grounded while playing stressful tennis matches. Notably, the vagus techniques I mastered on the tennis court have always helped me stay calm, cool, and collected whenever I face daunting challenges or terrifying situations off the court, too.

Anytime the “fight, flight, or freeze” stress response of the sympathetic nervous system is unbridled and running wild, it’s easy to lose your ability to think clearly. Luckily, simply by taking a deep breath followed by a long, slow exhale you can harness your vagus nerve and release a dose of acetylcholine on demand.” (2)

Isn't it amazing that our breathing can function as an on-off switch for anxiety or fight, flight or freeze. Simply by moving our breathing down to our belly, also known as belly breathing or diaphramatic breathing, we engage the vagus response and trigger the relaxation mode known as rest and digest. Also, by lengthening our exhale, we similarly communicate that we have no need of the hyper-arousal state and can move right to calm. By finding a time to incorporate this into your daily schedule, you will experience more peace and calm in your life. You can take a deep breath every time you wash your hands or practice for 2 minutes as you get in or before you get out of your bed each day. Or you can do it before or after meals. Find a time that will work for you and try to make this a daily practice so when those moments of anxiety or stress come, your body will be able to easily get back to calm.

1. https://www.healthline.com/health/diaphragmatic-breathing#benefits

2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201905/longer-exhalations-are-easy-way-hack-your-vagus-nerve

The Rise of Anxiety Among the Young

This past fall I crawled into the tent I was sharing with my daughter, my niece and nephew and my nephew was fast asleep but the girls were still up chatting. This was my 2nd or 3rd time tenting with these two and it was not uncommon for them to be up late chatting. This time, however, their conversation was different. They were talking about REAL LIFE struggles instead of the usual light chatter. They related that my niece had told my daughter she’d been struggling at school a lot with anxiety! My daughter had told her about my job and tried to teach her the trick I’m going to teach you today. I loved that they were having that conversation and especially that my daughter had actually sort-of listened as I have tried to teach her this cool trick.

Over the rest of our trip, I spent some time teaching my niece a few of the shortcuts to success that I love for anxiety and was reviewing them with her while we were in the hot tub on one of our last days. My nephew came in and asked what in the world we were talking about so we told him and he said he actually feels a lot of anxiety too sometimes! It made me wonder how many kids would agree that they are actually struggling with anxiety sometimes too! Would it be the majority? Would it be half? 

This camping trip was a week or so after our Ward Primary Program and I’m in the Primary Presidency, so was heavily involved with the program. It was the first in 2 years because we weren’t attending together in 2020. The kids weren’t as used to the programs and some have a hard time with it regardless, but I was sad to see SO many REALLY struggle with feelings of apprehension or even anxiety about participating or being in front of the congregation or even just their peers. But it makes me wonder, again- How many would admit that they struggle with anxiety too??

I know I have also shared that my daughter struggles with anxiety. 

The picture this illuminates for me is alarming. Anxiety is on the rise and our young people are experiencing it in a very real way! A definition I read for anxiety from a New York Times Article entitled,  “Why Are More Teenagers Than Ever Suffering From Severe Anxiety?, states that anxiety is simply ”The overestimation of danger and the underestimation of our ability to cope.(1) So what can we do about this other pandemic, the pandemic of anxiety? I hope to teach you some of my shortcuts so that you can use them and teach them too!

So first, does fight, flight or freeze sound familiar to you? This is what kicks in when our brain is in emergency mode. We enter a hyper-alert state where we are ready to jump immediately into action solving for an immediate threat. But people are spending more and more time in this hyper-arousal state, which is meant to be only for true emergencies. Like forgetting our homework? Or a change in our routine? Or running late? Are these true emergencies? Our brains seem to think so these days. Our bodies get flooded with stress hormones which prep us for action. This takes us out of thinking mode and moves us into doing mode. It takes our focus and energy away from healing, relaxation, digestion, and higher thought. It is the opposite of rest and digest. It is the opposite of contentment and peace. That hyper-arousal state is exhausting and difficult to maintain outside of the rare, occasional times it is meant for. Hopefully this can inform why kids come home from school sometimes exhausted or why they are sometimes misbehaving in class. 

Anxiety is on the rise. Our brains are misconstruing everyday minor stressors as major emergencies, triggering fight, flight or freeze mode to kick in. We can start questioning our thinking. Try asking yourself this question- Will this matter tomorrow? or even, Will this matter in a month or a in a year? These questions can help us override fight, flight or freeze mode. Later this week, I'll also share my two favorite hacks for switching over to rest and digest mode.

1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201905/longer-exhalations-are-easy-way-hack-your-vagus-nerve