A Rich Family Culture

 Hello my friends!

Continuing with Rich Christensen’s framework, let's talk about creating a rich family culture! What are the symbols, doctrine, and rituals or traditions that can help a family build a culture so that each member feels like they are a part of something special? 

When my girls were little, I discovered the Penderwicks books by Jeanne Birdsall. I was struck by the rich family culture that could be clearly seen outright and also between the words on the page. And you want to know the beauty of building a family culture? You can steal or adopt ideas from everywhere!! Last week I talked about our family councils and how we call them a MAJ for Meeting of All Jaggis. That comes directly from the Penderwicks. They call them MOPS - Meeting of Penderwick Sisters or MOOPS- Meeting of Older Penderwick Sisters.

In this family, they have rituals and slogans. They have clearly defined rules. They value family honor. I will share a few of their traditions: each child chooses an official birthday cake once they are old enough and that cake will be made each year for their birthday. They go on an extended summer vacation each Summer as a family. The mother in the story has passed away so the oldest sister always puts the youngest sister to bed each night. They honor individuality but are all really close. One of their family rules is referred to as the OAP- the oldest available Penderwick. This refers to who is in charge or responsible- especially in regards to the youngest sister. If the dad is around, he’s the OAP. If not, it falls to the oldest and on down. We use this in my family as well- instead it’s the OAJ! Talking about the book makes me want to read it again so I don’t miss passing anything else on! I love their family culture!! 

So while our Family Culture is still being developed and is an ever-evolving thing, I’ll share some of the things from my family growing up as well as the family I am currently blessed to be a part of.

I always wanted to have a strong family culture so my kids would feel okay about being different from their friends and would always feel like they belonged somewhere. I had this growing up! My family and the Page Family down the street were close friends and that created a haven for us to stand apart. We engaged in a lot of shared traditions like going camping at the beach every Spring Break and camping in the summer. We celebrated holidays together. We went to Six Flags Magic Mountain and the beach together often. When we went to places like Six Flags, all 8 or 10 of us kids would wear matching bright pink shirts- that would be a symbol- something that set us apart and a useful tool for our moms.  

My family had some of our own traditions as well. We had a yearly family reunion with my Dad’s family. These are great memories of mine! We did the Redwoods for a few years, one in Southern California that involved the beach, a few at a place called Sherwood Hills and then it was a yearly Lake Powell houseboat trip. We did regular family trips as well with shared time and activities. One time we went to a play at the Hale Center Theatre and in the play, one of the themes was how there are many ways to say I love you like “put a coat on” or other well wishes! We started using that in our family as well, calling out Put a coat on or some other sentiment that could be interpreted, “I love you.” For Christmas, we always opened one gift on Christmas Eve and read the Christmas story in Luke 2. We always did a lot of Christmas baking that was shared with neighbors and those who’d served us in church over the past year.

In my family now, we have symbols, doctrine and traditions, especially after I attended the training by Rich Christensen. We have a family flag with our family symbol on it- that symbol has been a pentacle- a star inside a circle- representing 5 individuals connected in a family unit. We have a family handshake. We have family pictures displayed on the walls as well as photo albums and photo books. We have favorite home videos kept on computers or phones that we watch again and again. These are some of our symbols. For doctrine, we have 3 family rules- Be Kind, Contribute, Be responsible. We have our family stories that are repeated. We have stories from our family history that are shared. We have emergency procedures. We have a family password. We have some records of God’s tender mercies or dealings with our family that are part of our doctrine. We have the technology proclamation I mentioned in the last episode which I forgot to include last week in the notes and blog so I’ll post that this week and apologize for omitting that!

For traditions, I’ll go through the calendar year. The first one that comes to mind is the kids get heart-attacked for Valentine's Day. I decorate their bed or door with hearts with things I appreciate or have noticed about them written on the hearts. For Birthdays, we always decorate and each child gets to choose their cake, how they will celebrate, and what they want for meals for the whole day. We open one gift in the morning and the rest in the evening. 

I already shared our General Conference traditions- for Easter, we have a tree which is usually a budding branch pulled from a tree outside decorated with Easter eggs and some special ornaments that we hang as we talk about the people or circumstances of the Easter story over the 10-14 days leading up to Easter. We have a resurrection scene which is similar to a nativity scene people have for Christmas. We have Easter lights hung outside that are lit for the few weeks before and a few weeks after Easter. We dye Easter Eggs and talk about what we know of Christ, sometimes writing those down on the eggs with crayon before dyeing. Our favorite Easter Tradition is making Resurrection Rolls where we take Jesus Body represented by a pure, clean, white marshmallow, dip it in butter which represents the oils used to prepare his body for burial and then it is rolled in cinnamon sugar which represents the spices used to prepare his body. Then that marshmallow representing his body is enclosed in a “tomb” of roll dough and sealed up tight. We make a pan of these and they go in the oven and when they come out, Jesus' body has disappeared as though he had been resurrected. Just as He was on the 3rd day. 

A new tradition we have for Mother’s Day is I take a picture with each child and a picture with all of my kids together- one day a year where they are likely to grumble less about a picture! I got that idea from Brooke Romney this year, I believe. 

One holiday that sets the Jaggi's apart and really enriches our family culture because it is unique to us, is we have Kids Day. This holiday falls on the first Saturday after school gets out. The kids start planning it in advance, and I love seeing them working together to make the plan! They get to decide what we will do on that day and it is often going camping. They get to decide what we will eat and how we will spend our time. They create a plan for the whole day. They also get a few gifts which are usually craft sets, activity sets, or games they can use together over the summer to continue fostering their sibling friendships. 

We always do a summer trip to visit family, all our family is in Utah right now so we spend a few weeks and catch up with everyone and try to fit in all the family traditions of the extended family- camping and boating with my family, the Hollands, Cherry Hill and a cookout with the Jaggi family among other things with both sides.

Let’s see! What else? Family day outings to play in the sand and water wherever we can find it! Trips with family who want to join us for outings. 

We celebrate 4th of July and Halloween in pretty standard ways. In November, we always have a place we write down the things we are thankful for- sometimes a tree, sometimes a poster, sometimes a pumpkin and we try to fill the whole thing over the course of the month with everyone adding to it whenever they think of something!

We celebrate Thanksgiving in fairly traditional ways also with who we are with always changing.

Christmas is a big deal for us! We try to get involved with Light the World with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and try to share the light of the Savior through serving, giving and strengthening connections with loved ones as much as possible throughout the whole month of December. We get out the Christmas decorations box and decorate a Christmas tree and decorate the whole house inside and out. We always do a Gingerbread Nativity Scene! We watch lots of Christmas movies! We listen to lots of Christmas music and play Christmas songs on the piano. We do neighbor and teacher gifts. We do Christmas baking! We do Christmas gifting! Christmas Eve we also open a gift, watch the nativity, sing Samuel Tells of Baby Jesus and other Christmas songs, have Hot Chocolate with grasshopper cookies which is like the Tim Tam Slam if you’re familiar with that Australian tradition- you take a small bite out of opposite sides of the cookie and sip the hot chocolate through the cookie and then pop it into your mouth before it falls to pieces and it is absolutely delicious. The kids have a sleepover that night and Christmas morning we all go down together and stretch out gift opening so it can last all morning long. Someone finds the first gift of Christmas in their stocking which is baby Jesus taken from our Nativity set and put in a special box.  We have a yummy breakfast somewhere in the middle of the gifting. Sometime in the evening we do a testimony meeting declaring our belief as a gift to the Savior. 

For the end of the year, we try to come up with our top ten for the past year- our top ten memories or things we want to remember for the year and make a list to save in our family file.

I’ll add a note about family contributions- to be a part of a family, there are 3 crucial needs as identified by Alfred Adler- We need to feel we have meaningful connection- we can share our inward thoughts and feelings and they are valued and listened to, we talk to each other, we spend time together- we want to spend time together. Number 2, we count! Our opinions are valued. Our ideas are incorporated. It is noticed when we aren’t around. We get invited to join in. And 3- we contribute. We all make meaningful contributions to our family. We help out. We are needed. We all join in in the running and upkeep of the home. Some methods we use for contributions are what’s called Jaggi Five- where I call out we need a Jaggi Five and everyone begrudgingly stops and picks up 5 things. We have job jar which is an idea from a treasured neighbor of the past, Crystal Staley, where we have a jar of rooms needing done and a jar of activities or rewards for breaks and we draw a room and all work together to clean it and then draw a reward and alternate until we’ve emptied the jars. We have a daily cleaning job that is different and assigned day-of according to needs by a parent. We eat dinner together every day we can and all contribute to setting the table, clearing the table, and cleaning up. Everyone is needed. We all have something to contribute. 

Similarly, creating a rich family culture is a family-involved process! We create rules, mottos, symbols, flags and traditions as a family- everyone’s ideas and opinions count- and we talk about it- we talk about what we want to keep and what we want to let go of. We talk about ideas we hear from others and if we want to do that in OUR family. We talk about family dreams and how we can make them happen. Every effort we make to be intentional in creating a rich family culture will bless our families, possibly for generations to come! 

Each family is naturally developing a family culture, but we can be intentional about what that culture entails. We can make it something rich and long-lasting, passing on traditions that strengthen and bless each member of the family as they are involved and proud to be a part of something special. We can include elements of symbols, doctrine, and traditions. We can include everyone in planning, developing and executing this culture. We can always be on the lookout for ideas that we may want to adopt. A culture is an evolving thing and can always be getting richer in depth and in breadth. 

Each member of the family needs to feel meaningful connection, like they count and like they contribute and as those things are present, they can then have courage to be imperfect and go out in the world, trying new things and expanding their lives.

I wish you well in continuing the traditions in your family and working to develop an even richer family culture as you think about what would bless the lives of the individuals in your family. 

May you always feel like you’re part of something really special is my hope for you today.