Ever Feel Like No One SEES You?

Being a young mom with little kids was really hard for me. I loved it! But it was hard. Can anyone relate?

We moved out-of-state for grad school away from our whole support system- everyone we knew- and I had a 10-month-old and a 2-year-old. We moved again just over a year and a half later. Those days were hard. Those moves were hard. Upon arriving, I didn’t know the areas or anyone and felt isolated and stuck inside with two little kids. Not knowing anyone meant very few breaks. My husband at the time was in school and then in a demanding job. He was great to help out when he was home, but the days were long. In the midst of this time I read a blog post of a mom with older kids remembering those days- something similar to this post I found that says, 

“For you moms who are in the trenches with little ones, I See You, and I Remember How Hard it Was!”

She painted the picture of the daily struggles in a way that felt very real and extremely validating. And she gave encouragement similar to this in the same post, 

“Your babies will grow up. They will need you a little bit less. And you will someday get to gather your thoughts, think for yourself, and use your brain for things that you’re passionate about (outside of your family). (https://justhomemaking.com/tired-mom/)

Hearing those similar words back then made being that mom of little ones suddenly feel lighter just by the simple act of having been seen by this complete stranger. 

Have you ever experienced something like that? I think seeing and being seen would BE the change needed in the world to stop the loneliness, isolation and anger that drives people to commit violent acts or take lives including their own. As you join me today, I want you to seriously consider if you think you can help me in this effort?

In 2017 I posted to Facebook these words: “What would it be like if we all SAW each other. Instead of walking down the street and ignoring other people or avoiding eye contact, what if we truly looked into everyone's eyes and wordlessly said I see you! I see you momma with those young kids and their incessant needs. I see you homeless person who is hungry and has given away the last of their dignity to hold up a sign on a corner. I see you person who is new. I see you person who is crying. I see you person who is arguing with someone you know. I see you and I can't solve your problems or take them away, but I'll see them and carry a little of that weight with me in hopes it will make it the tiniest bit lighter for you. I see you. Thanks for seeing me too.”

What are your first thoughts as you hear that? Does it sound easy? Does it sound hard? Most times it is probably both. We worry how we will be received. We worry, the person does not want to be noticed. And maybe that’s true sometimes but I want to take you back to my first story- even if we are inclined to hide, having been seen is so validating. We used to live in Tucson, Arizona and because of the mild winters there were a lot of homeless people around. Have you had the experience of being stopped at a stop light with a homeless person on the corner? Do you look away? Do you avoid their eyes? I try to see them. Even if I have nothing to give them, I try to meet their eyes and let them know they are seen and I feel for their situation. I try to give them a compassionate smile. 

One of the responses I received to that Facebook post was from my sister-in-law, Amberlee. She replied, “This is so inspirational! It seems our world has forgotten this very basic concept. Wouldn't it be great if we all took a step back to really understand and withhold all judgment. Our energy is all connected and even sending love and compassion through our thoughts I believe can be felt by others. Thanks for sharing.”

I love that response- It would be great if we all took a step back to really understand and withhold all judgment!

Sister Jean B. Bingham said in the October 2016 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, “One of the most significant ways we can develop and demonstrate love for our neighbor is through being generous in our thoughts and words. Some years ago a cherished friend noted, “The greatest form of charity may be to withhold judgment.”4 That is still true today. (1)

in 2015, Inside Edition highlighted special education teacher, Chris Ulmer, who “starts each morning a little different than most educators. He takes the time to compliment each and every one of his students at Mainspring Academy in Jacksonville, Florida.” It talks about the difference that makes in the lives of his students. (2) These individuals are doing the service of seeing people.

I have a unique job where I get to meet one-on-one with people who come for counseling and invite me into the space of seeing them. I feel like it is a sacred experience to be invited in like that. I have the opportunity to allow my clients to share all their dirt and not be rejected or judged because of it. Doesn't that sound like something we'd want to bring into our every day lives?

We've used the Reading for All Learners beginner readers to help our kids learn to read and the first few books just have a few words that are repeated over and over and one of the phrases is see me. SEE ME! See me? Over and over. How many of us are giving out that cry? 

Are you taking the time to SEE and RECOGNIZE the people around you? Do you give the gift of withholding judgment? Do you share the burdens you see just a little?

I invite you to make this a practice. Try to SEE someone today. Let them know you see them by a compassionate smile, a word of encouragement or praise, or a kind gesture.  

Works Cited:

1 ://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2016/10/i-will-bring-the-light-of-the-gospel-into-my-home?lang=eng

2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UZ_lWr028o