Do you ever feel like you should have all the answers? Maybe as a leader, or a parent, or a teacher, or in receiving revelation? I know I have.
A recent time I was really struggling was a few years ago when my youngest child as a toddler had special needs- he wouldn't let me leave him anywhere. My husband didn't believe there was something ACTUALLY wrong with him because it wasn’t severe, but it was crippling for me. I felt like I couldn't get a job to help support us through my husband’s PhD. I couldn’t leave him with a babysitter. Nursery was absolutely not happening despite valiant efforts on my part and the part of an incredible nursery leader! This made fulfilling my calling on Sundays in the Relief Society Presidency extremely difficult. My daughter was also struggling at this point with anxiety that was showing up in a few different ways. And you guys, I have a degree in this! I felt like, as their mom AND as a mental health professional, I SHOULD be able to help them or at least know what to do. But I didn't! And I didn't know where to turn. I shared my concerns with others I regularly interacted with and finally with their pediatrician who was able to point us to resources. And guess what, the people at those resources didn't know what to do either. But we explored solutions together and discovered that one of the things we were dealing with was Sensory Processing Disorder! It was a long process but it was so validating and helpful to finally have an explanation and reason for what was going on. That would not have been possible if I hadn't talked about our struggles and admitted that I did not have all the answers. And guess what!? None of us have all the answers! Zero. And that's okay. I would really love you all to say "I don't have all the answers, and it's okay!!" The big secret is, we're not supposed to have all the answers. Sometimes I feel like God intentionally gives pieces of the puzzle to a few people who he brings together to be able to see the big picture--because he does not want us to have to struggle alone.
As member's of Christ's restored church, we sometimes feel like if God gives us a responsibility or calling, we should have the answers we need to fulfill that responsibility. We feel like he will just endow us with all the know-how we'll need or give us direct revelation for everything. Sometimes he will do that and he is certainly capable of doing that, but good revelation is based on good information as President Nelson so beautifully taught us when he was called to be the Prophet. We have access to information, people, and resources in an incredible way in this time-period with knowledge being shared instantly around the world.
Every parent needs help knowing how to help their children. Every married person needs help knowing how to help their spouse or how to even be married. Every member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints needs help learning how to access God and live the gospel. Every leader needs help knowing how to lead. This is why we routinely have trainings and conferences. This learning can only happen as we meekly admit that we don't have all the answers.
So some of you may be thinking, but what about the whole revelation/answers from heaven piece. And we don't want to miss that vital piece. Well, revelation and answers often come as we COUNSEL with others. Unless we have a conversation about the myriad of things I have experience with, you may not know I have information and resources to share about those things. YOU might have information about a myriad of things I am needing information or guidance on and I won't know that until I start having conversations or seeking that information. And here is the piece on revelation- God will help us know WHO to talk with or WHERE to seek out the information we are looking for. Has this ever happened to you? You are pondering a question and someone comes to mind or you have the thought to listen to a certain podcast or conference talk. Or you have the thought to go to a certain event where there's a certain person who knows exactly what resources you need?
One of the reasons we have struggles is so we learn how to help others who may go through something similar. And one of the reasons we are given responsibilities- within the church or as a parent or employee or leader- is to learn and grow. We're not supposed to have all the answers.
I was able to get help and support for my children. I had people helping me muddle through the possibilities until we figured out what was going on. I had actionable steps and tools to use to help them and find my life again! It wasn't all about what they were struggling with anymore. And I wasn't feeling so alone or overwhelmed anymore.
So my challenge for you today is Find Your Help! Open your mouth and talk about your experience and problem- not with the intent for sympathy or to complain (maybe that's a bonus) but with the intent to figure out who you need to talk to. Search the internet. Search the library. Search podcasts. Youtube. We live in an age of information sharing and someone out there is having an experience like you and has made a breakthrough! Pray to find those people! Search to find those people. And along the road, you just may have the blessing of being that person for someone else.
If you are already on the other side of some trials, which I think applies to all of us, be open about those as you feel able to do so. I promise as you do, it will bless those around you. You will have deeper and fuller relationships and even if you don’t feel like you have any answers, just talking about the experience can help others not feel so alone.
Reyna Aburto has said, "when we open up about our emotional challenges, admitting we are not perfect, we give others permission to share their struggles. Together we realize there is hope and we do not have to suffer alone."(1)
1. Reyna I. Aburto. Thru cloud and sunshine, lord, abide with me! The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved June 14, 2022, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/10/31aburto?lang=eng
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