Make the Harder Choice Easier!

 In my last post, I talked about needing to get in the basics. How do we make it easier to choose those things when there are options that have so much more appeal?

Imagine with me- think of a favorite go-to pastime of yours and  now compare it against a dreaded must-do chore. Read a book or clean the floors, sit and eat a cookie or fold the laundry If that’s your choice, you’re putting an easy against a hard so choosing the hard option is going to be really, really hard. It’s like the late-night choice of watch another episode or go get ready for bed. Which are we more likely to choose given that easy-hard choice. 

So how do we bring our options into balance? 

We have to prep for success. If we get ready for bed before we sit down to watch the show it makes the choice watch another episode or go to bed. That’s a more balanced easy-easy choice.  

To take it a step further, we can make it easy to choose the harder option by making the easy option hard. For example- using the same choice- to make watching another episode HARD we could put a timer on the wifi so it shuts off at 10:30 or 11 pm every night. Then getting another episode going becomes harder than just going to bed because we’d have to go override the timer, wait for the wifi to kick-in again and the show to load. So if the choice is do all that or go to bed it switches it to a hard-easy choice. If it’s eating junk, don’t buy it when you’re at the store and then the choice between eating something nourishing and eating the yummy junk can be an easy-hard where to eat that you’d have to go out and get it. Prepping the healthy food ahead also makes that an easier choice. 

So try to set up your life to make the need-to’s the easy choice. Today I was thinking about exercise and had the choice to hit the treadmill or do a work-out video. I didn’t want to do either but my choice wasn’t treadmill or not exercise so I was able to think of exercise that sounded more enticing- I found some youtube line dance videos to dance along to as a change for a lower-mood day. To get my morning prayers in, I used to have the choice between stopping everything to get in a prayer-if I remembered- or moving on with my morning- now I’ve made the choice- stay in bed and say morning prayer or get up and start the day. It’s an easy-hard. I enjoy that time kneeling in my bed under my covers praying before getting up! Find ways to make the choice easy! 

What if we started prioritizing our needs? 

Brooke Snow from the Brooke Snow Podcast said the following,

“The Lord knows we have need of these things. Your physiology comes before your psychology. Take care of your body and you’ll have an easier time taking care of your mind…Do all you can to take care of those basics for you and for your family every day. Is there some area in those basic needs that you can optimize? Can you work on getting more sleep or better sleep? Can you work on getting more real nourishing food into your diet? Can you work on moving your body in a way that connects you to yourself or connects you to heaven and to earth? Watch how it naturally prepares the way for those other needs to come into place! When you’ve taken care of your body you create space to receive the other needs in your life. Those needs of love and belonging and optimally being your best self. There’s wisdom in order.  By small and simple things are great things brought to pass. Imagine your life taking care of your body first so you can take better care of your mind.”

Our physiology comes before our psychology. As a therapist, we are trained to ALWAYS, ALWAYS rule-out any medical problems that may be manifesting as mental health problems or medications that may be causing symptoms, etc. Physiology before psychology.

So what if we took responsibility for our own lives and made any changes we feel are needed. What if doing these basic things became the easy choice for us?

We can prepare ahead to make the harder choices easier and the easier choices harder. We can try to bring more balance to our choices so we’re not defaulting to the path of least resistance or the biggest dopamine hit. We want to avoid making these basic needs a hard option that is going to be really, really hard and instead make our fun options with no reward a little harder. Because again, taking care of ourselves is the best investment we can ever make and allows us to then make our biggest contribution in every worthy endeavor we pursue including our family, our community, our work and our church endeavors. 

May even your hard days be filled with good things! 

Where to Focus on Hard Days

Last month we talked about being present, which was great for me while I was away on vacation with fun, engaging things to be involved in and PRESENT at. Now I’m home and I find myself wanting to shift away from being present now that I’m back to the quiet life and facing some challenges. Being present is SO MUCH HARDER in the midst of trials or negative emotions. So for others going through the hard stuff, I want to connect it to this month of taking responsibility. 

When we face the hard things, we need to shift our focus to the basics. We need to make sure we are looking out for our incredible bodies and our amazing Spirits. Ask yourself: 

• Am I getting enough sleep? 

• Am I praying? 

• Am I reading my scriptures? 

• Am I moving my body through exercise? 

• Am I connecting with other people? 

• Am I engaging in meaningful work? 

• Am I eating for nutrition? 

• Am I drinking enough water?

• Am I getting out?

Think about a time when you weren’t getting enough sleep, or didn’t have meaningful prayers, or weren’t reading your scriptures, or weren’t exercising, or weren’t connecting with other people or doing meaningful things with your time, or weren’t getting out or were just eating junk! How were you feeling? I know when I get off with more than a few of these, I   feel it. This past year, I’ve gotten better at some of these things- like exercise- and before that, I probably would have told you that not exercising doesn’t affect me. However, since being more regular with it, I notice when I haven’t been doing it! I feel it. On my trip, I wasn’t exercising and I FELT it! I felt restless. I felt like I had less energy. I didn’t feel productive or as proud of myself. :) It’s the same with all of these things. Not doing them affects us more than we realize. Also, you may have any different core things that YOU need to do every day. Those are the things to move your focus to on the harder days. Get the basics in! 

Greg McKeown, who wrote the excellent book, Essentialism, and who is also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints addresses this topic in his book. He says, “The best asset we have for making a contribution to the world is ourselves. If we underinvest in ourselves, and by that I mean our minds, our bodies, our spirits, we damage the very tool we need to make our highest contribution. One of the most common ways people damage this asset is through a lack of sleep.

Sleep is what allows us to operate at our highest level of contribution so that we can achieve more, in less time. By “protecting their asset”, they are able to go about their daily lives with a reserve of energy, creativity, and problem-solving ability to call upon when needed.” (1)

You’ll need to clear out some of the clutter in your life- the extra things that make you have to choose between them and these basics! How many of you have heard the quote “If you don't have time to pray and read the scriptures, you are busier than God ever intended you to be.” (2) I found that quote attributed to Matthew Kelly, an author, speaker, and many things (see below for link to his bio). I think there’s a lot of truth to that. I feel like over the past 5+, our church leaders have been encouraging this back-to-the-basics life where we, as a recent bishop I had said, make what many of us refer to as “the primary answers” of primary importance, rather than secondary to some other lower pursuit.” (Bishop Adam McDonald of the Valencia Ward of the Tucson South Stake).

Some days are harder than others. On those harder days, we’ve got to shift our priorities and be gentler with ourselves. We need to find space to take care of the basics- getting sleep, eating nourishing food, drinking water, praying, reading the scriptures, meaningfully connecting with others, getting out, and perhaps doing something with our time that is meaningful in some way. On those days we really need to allow ourselves to get rid of the excess. Those things that drain our time and energy and keep us from choosing the things that are needful. Getting the basics in help us stay afloat, even in the midst of our difficult days.

1. Essentialism by Greg McKeown: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18077875-essentialism

2. About Matthew Kelly: https://www.matthewkelly.com/about