3 Things Anyone Can Do To Help People Who Are Struggling

Ever wonder what you can actually do to help someone who is struggling? Here are three effective things you can do right now that will help even more than any skill I can teach you -without any training on your part- but maybe a touch of courage:

1- Share Your Struggles

Admitting YOU struggle literally lifts a weight off both you and those around you. Think about a time someone shared a struggle you’ve been having. How did that feel to hear you weren’t the only one? Even if it’s not the same struggle you’ve been having, isn’t it comforting to know that others struggle too? It invites others to share! It gives people permission to feel how they are feeling. It helps people know we can struggle and we can still be okay! Did I sell you on that yet? We need to share. We do not need “to have it all together” whatever that even means. We’re not supposed to! We are here to struggle. Period. So why do we hide this? Why don’t we give ourselves and others permission to live in and through the struggle?

If you are struggling to show up as the mom you want to be and sometimes “losing it” with your kids, talk about that. If you are struggling to like or enjoy being a mom or dad, talk about it. If you are struggling with enjoying your scripture study, talk about that. If you are struggling with the desire to go to church, share! If you are having a hard time in your marriage, talk about it! If you struggle with anxiety, talk about that. If you struggle with depression or regret, talk about it. If you don’t know how to help a child or a spouse or a friend, talk about it.

What does that look like? In Sunday School you could say “I can really relate to Moses here because I do not know how to help my daughter or my spouse right now and I really need to spend that time with the Lord to feel His support and strength.”

In Testimony Meeting you could say “I’m starting to feel my depression on the rise again and I worry what that is going to mean for me over the next weeks and months but I know that God is good and I have a testimony of his great plan and perfect love.”

When you are out with your friends you could say “I’m not loving reading the scriptures right now, anyone else ever feel this way?” Or “I’m struggling in my marriage right now and I really appreciate our time together to just have a break from all that.”

When you are with your kids you could say “I’ve been having a hard time feeling good lately and feel kind of weighed down and just wanted you to know that and know it’s okay to feel like that and if I ever seem distracted or sad it’s not because of you in any way. YOU are one of the best parts of my life! If you ever feel some of these feelings, we can get through it together because that’s what families are for- we stick together okay?”

Start small and work up to the bigger shares because it IS a little scary. But can I tell you one moment of vulnerability like that will build bridges faster than 50 moments of being strong and “having it all together”- whatever that even means. It’s so important you guys!!

2- LISTEN

Provide that listening ear for people. Ask how people are doing and let them know that you are genuinely wondering and are willing to spend time just to listen. A roadblock to listening is feeling like we need to know what to say or we don’t want to give them any wrong advice but know this! All you have to do is validate them. Validation looks like “that’s a lot! I can understand why you are having a hard time!” or “I’ve never had to go through that and I’m really sorry you have to right now.” or “Given your perspective I can see why it feels that way!” Validation is not agreeing, teaching, correcting or anything more than this- you let them know that you hear them and based on their perspective it makes sense for them to be feeling what they’re feeling. How would it feel to be listened to in this way? Guess what my friends, you can also do this for yourself. We don’t have to constantly be correcting, redirecting, coaching or shaming our feelings. We can simply validate that- given our perspective, it makes sense to feel the way we do. So side-note there–but we also want to be looking out for ourselves!

3- Support

Let them know you’re around. You’re around if they need someone to vent to. You’re around if they would like a different perspective on the matter. You’re around if they want a distraction sometime. You’re around if they want to explore solutions. You can help them find resources if they’d like that. You’re there at any level they let you to be there. Can you do that? This does not mean you are the one solving their problems. This does not mean you take on their problems! They own their problems. You help hold them for a moment and then you give them back. You hold them for a moment and then give them another person or another resource that can help THEM to hold their problems. Or best of all, we encourage them to hand their weight over to the Savior who will trade our burdens for his, which is light and easy to carry.

Doesn’t that sound like the plan of our God? He organizes us into families, wards, stakes, communities and a worldwide Restored Church. We are stronger together and together we can!

We Have Been Called By God

God has chosen us as a people to share the good news of the Gospel with the world. What else do we have to share? Will they see us as distinct and different in happy ways? Can we be part of those who save–within our own families and beyond? People are literally dying out there right now. Hope is frail. It needs fuel. It needs you. 

Three years ago I felt called back to work to help those who are struggling yet STRUGGLING to find help. I heard the waitlist to get into the church’s Family Services at the time where I was living was 9-months- long. I KNEW that those people had already been struggling for MONTHS to finally have had the courage to reach out for help or to be finally noticed as needing help. It felt like sudden unrest or discontent with doing the same things- like my time for playgroups was over. I could not enjoy them in the same way suddenly. And feeling unrest with not using my degree when people needed my help. I had felt peace with that for years and then it was gone.

. 

This is happening everywhere right now. Our young people especially are struggling. Now I am feeling a need to shift more from counseling to coaching so I can reach more people without the big financial burden of one-on-one mental health counseling. This has felt like a silent pull and consistent ideas- it's frequently what occupies my idle thoughts. I can't turn from it because it's always before me in some way. I’m comforted by the prospect of being able to help more people faster, but I also realized it does not take a Mental Health Professional to support these people! YOU can learn the tools that will help your family, your friends, your stewardship within the church, and beyond into your communities. You can learn the tools that will also help YOU.

So how can we be an influence for good when we struggle day after day within our own families or sometimes within our own head or heart? I recently heard that the Lord loves effort. With each of us making small daily efforts, the compounding effect is huge!

We are all needed. We have been chosen to bless all the families of the Earth. We can be a happy people. We can be gentle, and long-suffering. We can look forward with faith and optimism knowing the Lord is on our side and he will consecrate our afflictions for our good and it will all work out according to his great and merciful plan. We can do this! We need YOU to be strong and we need ME to be strong. We need to ALL work on becoming stronger together.

The Abundance Cycle

 In a course I am in with Sarah Allred, Brooke Snow taught the Abundance Cycle which is in contrast to the Pride Cycle in the Book of Mormon. I have shared it 3 times since learning it this week and wished there was a picture to share so I made one. How much we need this in our lives!! When we open the door to God, we can receive of the abundance he wants to give us. Then when we show gratitude and give out of that abundance we can receive more. Again and again. I have seen this as I've practiced it this week. He is a God of Abundance. He has so much he is wanting to give us. 

I see it can apply to revelation, blessings, spiritual gifts, and even our relationships with each other as we are open to the people in our lives, receive from them, acknowledge and give thanks and then give in return. It's probably better to start with giving in this cycle but this demonstrates how they relate: 

Brooke taught that pride at any point in the cycle will take us out of the Abundance Cycle. 

Here's a few ideas of how this could look in relationships:

This video is a great demonstration of this principle. When we open ourselves up to blessings, he freely gives them. 

Sacred Grove Painting Tutorial

Ready to paint? I read a book last night with my son where Pete the Cat had done some drawings others didn't like and so he decided he couldn't draw. They helped him remember that art is for everyone, it should be fun and it's about the joy it can bring. So remember that as you begin any art project. Try to have fun and it's okay to laugh at yourself!  

Here is an alternate tutorial with a different look. I did this tutorial a few times to practice up and never liked how it turned out. We did this with the Young Women in our church group.

YouTube Tutorial Sacred Grove

We also did this tutorial as a Relief Society but stopped before adding the couple with the umbrella. This one was a lot easier but I decided to try it again with color and what I had at home. I wasn't able to get the same effect with so many different colors but could be fun to try as is or play with the color more.  

Alternate Tutorial

So for my friend who is wanting to try again and add color I documented my process to share-

I didn't end up using the knife except for removing or moving paint and only ended up using 4 of the brushes and the sponges. 

I ended up needing almost double the white. I used my 1/2 inch brush. Crisscross downward strokes work well. Spread the white alone first and then start moving into the blue slowly and then continue moving outward getting more blue gradually on your brush.

I dipped the tip of my paintbrush in my water to help me blend.

I dipped into the water again and just used what was left on my brush to blend straight across the horizon and then bringing it down to make a path. You can choose if you want a path.

Start dabbing the paint starting with the lighter colors and getting into darker trying not to blend them together much. 

Try to shape your path a little more and shape shadows curving down from the outer edges toward the middle of the bottom. 

Again adding a little water to the tip of your brush, begin to clean the brush as you create edging on the path and move up the horizon with the lighter green. Rinse your brush.

Add yellow and green paint to your palate which can be a plate, piece of foil, or whatever you have to use. You can pull apart the sponge a little to make a bumpy surface. You can substitute a bundle of q-tips or crumpled foil if you don't have a painting sponge/sea sponge like this. Tap color onto the canvas again starting with lighter and moving darker.

I used a brush half the size as the one I used for the sky. I dabbed some green and then I created a mix of white and green with some water and dabbed the paint onto the canvas/paper.

You can continue to clean your brush onto the canvas adding a little water if needed. Note if you're using a canvas to keep the water to a very minimum if you want the color to last. Finish the background leaving a line of sky.

Using dark brown or a mix of black and brown, dip a new brush or rinse your brush and dab on the sponge or a paper towel to get rid of excess water.  We will start forming the trees. Darker trunks are closer to the bottom and span from the lower canvas toward the top. I like to have an idea where my darker trees will be and then do the lighter trees behind first. These go lighter and shorter as you move up the canvas. A little water on your brush and a skinnier brush make forming the smaller trees and branches easier. If you want to get into more detail, the trunks would be darker on the opposite side of the white spot in the middle of the canvas. Skinny trees can be difficult so you may want to practice on a different paper first. 

*Note paint can be darkened by adding a tiny bit of black and lightened by adding white. You can create a huge variety of color using just the original color and degrees of black and white.* 

Work in the shadows and I cleaned my brush on the path making it darker in the middle. I had to fix the back part of the path at the end so work carefully. You may want to note the change I made in the coloring and the back of the path at the end. You path can be in any state of upkeep with a more natural path or a maintained, brush free path. I included another example of a path I did that has different coloring. It can also be as skinny or wide as you want!

Example of a prior path.

I added more shadow behind the trees and angling down.

I then worked on adding the foreleaves on the trees. I added a brighter green to make these lighter leaves called shamrock green and mixed it with the ochre yellow for a variant. Make sure you do this in patches so there is a lot of variation and negative space. 

Add lighter color to the top of the leaves again remembering where the light is toward the middle.

Add some blending and detail to the foreground. Make sure the placement of everything makes sense- foliage either behind or in front of the trunks closest and branches to trees in the front also in front. You can make the grove as dark and dense as you want and bring the foliage up the trunks as much as you want as well. Add darker leaves around the outer edge to bring the focus toward the lighter horizon and frame your painting. Decide when you want to be done and stick to the timeframe because you can continue to play with it forever. :) Embrace any imperfections because that is what makes nature interesting and what makes your painting more realistic. 

Act it out, Talk it out

In the April 2021 General Conference, Joy D. Jones talked about Essential Conversations and how to prepare our children for everyday battles they may face. 

She said, "Additional opportunities for essential conversations can occur through role-playing. Family members can act out situations of being tempted or pressured to make a bad choice. Such an exercise can fortify children to be prepared in a challenging setting. For example, we can act it out and then talk it out as we ask children what they would do:

-If they are tempted to break the Word of Wisdom.
-If they are exposed to pornography.
-If they are tempted to lie, steal, or cheat.
-If they hear something from a friend or teacher at school that disputes their beliefs or values.

As they act it out and then talk it out, rather than being caught unprepared in a hostile peer group setting, children can be armed with “the shield of faith wherewith [they] shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.”14

For anyone wanting to implement act it out, talk it out from Sister Jones' Conference Talk I couldn't find any great printables but I found this worksheet and made an additional document included below. Let me know if you want the editable document. Also, if you find any other great resources, please share!

 https://worksheetplace.com/index.php?function=DisplaySheet&sheet=Character-Role-Play-Worksheet-1&links=2&id&link1=31&link2=32

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1b0y55xubg4wZn-8nfOhvLj1u6_IePwmE/view?usp=sharing

Essential Conversations (churchofjesuschrist.org)

The Rich Young Ruler

The Rich Young Ruler

One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.

           -St.Mark 10:21-22

As the night fell, he arose and walked alone,
Wrestling in his heart beneath black clouds, all the night long,

Until the dawn shone upon the sea.

The sheep brought a fair price. The cattle did not. 

Neither did the coat off his back.

Many, many silver shekels clinked into the grimy hand he had passed daily.
They fell silently into the woolen pouch of the one

Who leaned on a crutch in the streets of Machaerus.
They brought tears to the wretch draped in rags at the River Jordan.

His young shoulders carried the cross to the streets of Bethany,

The walls of Jerusalem, the palace of Caiaphas, to Antonia, and even to Calvary.

It was no burden when he carried it to the mountain where the Lord ascended.

And when his jeweled father spit on him and his gilded brother cast him out,

He carried the cross.

He carried it against Romans, against insults, against mockery,

Against lashings like the Lord’s that sliced flesh to the bone.

He carried the cross while James was slain by the sword of Herod Agrippa.

He carried the cross when Peter was crucified, unworthy, with his head and arms to the earth.

He carried the cross alone, when no new Matthias was called as the rock.

After his skin had leathered and aged,

His son, his only son, denied the testimony, turning to Jupiters of gold.

And his strength failed at last.

As he fell on his knees, tipping the beam to the ground,

he heard a whisper, still and small:

Take up the cross

-J Washburn

I love this poem. I think it is full of so much hope. We never know the full story and we never have to judge. We can all hope for the best for everyone, even those we've written off in the past. To see the author's post about this poem, click the link below:
http://blog.jwashburn.com/2011/08/rich-young-ruler-poem.html

Helpful Things to Understand Before Studying the Gospels

Helpful Things to Understand Before Studying the Gospels

I thought learning these things was really interesting and will be helpful as I study. I’ve learned only a few of them before, which is a shame. I think it will help me see things in a whole new way as I read and study.

·         Most scholars believe Mark was written first and used as a reference for Matthew and Luke when writing their own records. Almost all that is found in Mark is found also in Matthew and Luke, but they both added to the story.

·         Mark was written for new Christians who had not witnessed the events of Jesus' life. For that reason, one of the main themes is the identification of Jesus as the "Son of God". It emphasizes the miracles which are evidence of his divine sonship. Mark was a follower of Jesus Christ but is thought to have been in his teens when the Lord was in Jerusalem. He later served as Peter’s interpreter, in speech and in writing. In his book, Mark wrote down the observations and memories of Peter, one of the original Apostles. Mark’s book reflects Peter’s interest in spreading the gospel among the Gentiles (non-jews).

·         Matthew on the other hand, was all about showing the Jewish converts the connection between Jesus and the Old Testament prophecies and predictions regarding the Messiah, and showing how the Jewish authorities of Jesus' day had rejected Him. Jesus is portrayed as the fulfillment of the Old Testament Law and prophecies. He wrote specifically to the Jews, who were familiar with those prophecies. Matthew was a publican, or tax collector, before he was called as one of the Lord’s Apostles. Because of that profession, we can guess that he was well educated and knew how to read and write, probably in several languages, including Greek. He was very familiar with the scriptures. Matthew was one of the original twelve apostles as well.

·         Luke wanted to prove Jesus' story was true. He wanted to provide a historically accurate and reliable account of Jesus' birth, life, ministry, death, and resurrection. Luke's Gospel emphasized Jesus role as Savior of all people. He intentionally connects Jesus with the outcasts of society, including women, the poor, the sick, the demon-possessed, and more. Luke portrays Jesus not only as the powerful Messiah, but also as a divine friend of sinners who came expressly to "seek and save the lost" (Luke 19:10). Luke is an interesting writer because he did not know Jesus Christ personally. He became a follower after the Lord’s death, when Paul taught him the gospel. Luke had been a physician, but he left that profession to travel with Paul. He had the opportunity to talk with many of the Apostles as well as others who were eyewitnesses to special events or moments in the Lord’s life.

·         John was writing to members of the Church, who already knew something of the Lord. The book of John was written later and he seemed to want to help us understand the Savior’s life in a deeper, more meaningful and lasting way. It is full of theology and symbolism (such as “the Lamb of God”). It establishes that he was the Savior long before coming to Earth. One of John's major purposes and themes was to correctly portray Jesus as the divine Word -- the pre-existent Son who is One with God (John 10:30) and yet He fully took on human flesh in order to "tabernacle" Himself among us (1:14). John was a fisherman before becoming an apostle. He was one of Jesus’ first followers and had a special and close relationship with Christ as “the apostle whom Jesus loved.”

It is also helpful to understand who the different groups of people were:

·         The Sadducees were the aristocratic “old money” local governing body (although Jerusalem was conquered by Rome so they were under Roman Rule- which is who Pilate and King Herod represented). So Rome had their representative but allowed the Sadducees to govern the people. Both Roman rulers in Jerusalem and the Sadducees felt that their positions were threatened by Jesus.

·         The other major players were the Pharisees. They were like the “new money” who led people spiritually and temporally at a local level by using Scripture and the Law of Moses to guide the people. They were the interpreters of the law. They felt threatened by Jesus because of his new and radical interpretation of the law and the scriptures. Christ was giving the higher law. The Pharisees took the law to an extreme and thought of the law as an end to itself where really the law was meant to guide the people to something higher. The Pharisees couldn’t see how an exception to the law could ever be made even to help someone if it was on the Sabbath, for example.

Sources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Gospels

https://www.catholic.com/qa/please-explain-the-difference-between-the-sadducees-and-the-pharisees-in-the-gospels

https://www.lds.org/new-era/2007/01/who-are-matthew-mark-luke-and-john?lang=eng

https://www.quora.com/Christianity-Why-is-John%E2%80%99s-gospel-so-different-from-the-other-three

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/religion/story/john.html

https://www.thoughtco.com/the-difference-between-pharisees-and-sadducees-in-the-bible-363348

And The Kingdom and the Crown books by Gerald Lund